People we feel a strong connect with often elevate us, and at the same time, they have the power to send us down to the darkest place within us.
Martbaan is based on a poem by June Hüzün (also titled “Martbaan”) and when I first read it, I could hear it speaking to me like an old friend who just knew when to drop by. The poem almost immediately broke me down, not because I was going through something at that time, but because I’d had my share of this early on and at that point in time, I was seeing a dear friend of mine walking down the exact same path and I just couldn’t make myself useful to her or bring myself to barge into her matters uninvited.
Anyway, when I came back to my senses, I had turned the poem into a song and felt it was the best way to subtly convey to her what I had gone through and what she may be heading towards.
So, in all honesty, this song was born out of a desperate attempt to wake a friend up before it was too late. But if you are or have been in an abusive relationship with someone (can be a parent, lover, spouse, close friend, boss, anyone) and your sense of being is reduced to this image of you sitting dead-faced at the center of a room where light refuses to enter, as seasons change around you – an image that becomes a constant, a routine, while in the blur behind it is an unending battle between your heart and mind, when one is telling you to run away and the other is telling you stick to it and hash it out, often out of a misguided sense of loyalty or superior endurance, at times even out of empathy for your abuser, while you silently wait for a magical new day that you are sure isn’t today – this song is for you.
“With hope that this would wake you up, A.”
Props to my humsaaya, Aman Arakh for doing such an incredible job with the audio from a rather humble live recording setup.